If wake up earlier and sweat more and focus and read more and rid myself of distraction if I turn up the volume in my headphones and run harder and write faster and brush my teeth twice a day and sharpen my knife so I can cook better and raise my voice when I need to like for example when the man on the subway accidentally sat on my lap and buy flowers for the apartment and dress the wound on my leg and listen to what the lecturer is saying and take notes, diligent notes, it will work.
A firm voice directs me to take six steps forward with three books balanced on my head, which I can do. I am beginning to believe that achieving what I want can only happen with complete and total commitment to the Dream. This month’s recap is disjointed at best, books flowers pens rocks movies, typifying a transition period of interests and environments. Lucky for me I’m not a brand with a shiny cohesive message, instead I’m a woman with three books balanced on my head.
I’ve been working hard this month, tucked away on county sideroads, which is exactly why I’m driving headfirst into the Summer I Created. This is my Summer, according to Didion: Do not whine. Do not complain. Work harder. Spend more time alone. There are some moments of delicious discipline amid bobbing heatwaves, most of which I have included in this month’s journey. Please enjoy.
The skill I’ve learned this month is simply this: I do not need a studio and I do not need ideas. I’m running hour after hour on the side of the highway, where there is not one patch of shade—too hot for headphones, even—just the steady beat of my feet on asphalt and the whine of cicadas. I do not need a studio and I do not need ideas. I’m writing less but my mind feels heavy like a full sponge. I do not need a studio and I do not need ideas. I’m too busy listening.